Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in the sight of our guidance counselors, to witness and celebrate the union of this future AP English student to one of the most difficult courses in Chagrin Falls High School. Do not enter into this union lightly or unadvisedly but after much consideration, because by enrolling in this class, you commit yourself exclusively to the study of english until the end of your senior year. If you would, please turn to your counselor and take your vows*:
Do you, nervous sophomore, promise to complete all of your summer reading on time?
Do you also promise to finish all three of your books the day before school starts? We know you will not read over the summer.
Do you promise to remember where you sit in the circle to avoid class-wide chaos?
Will you always carry ten extra pens with you in case of an emergency?
Do you promise to always annotate your reading?
Will you ALWAYS answer the prompt?
Will you learn to do your homework on time?
Will you always dress appropriately for class? (A snow suit will suffice)
Do you promise to talk in class, even if you have no idea what to say?
Will you remember that Ms. Serensky does know what is best?
And finally, Do you promise to recognize the value of this class before you leave high school?
After answering “I Do” to all of these vows, the guidance counselors have decided that this union has hope to flourish. Yes, as all companions do, you will experience ups and downs alike, however we must learn to deal with these in effective and concise manners. AP English will prove a challenge to deal with on many days in your years together but what is success without the threat of failure? The best duos often come from those who have worked and struggled to achieve that happiness that they hold. So, ladies and gentlemen, after acknowledging these conditions, I am pleased to announce the union of a new AP English student to their life for the next two years.
You may now take out your pen. Till death do you part.
*The student must recognize these “vows” as instructions on how to survive AP English. Good Luck.
Finally, the end of the day. I can not think of a better way to spend every seventh period then with the best writing partners ever. Katie and Blythe just make every analysis that much more worthwhile as we stray from actual discussion and divulge into why the men in Watchmen fail in relationships. Everyone always acts like the room has snow falling from the sky, but it never really bothers me. My classmates must not be accustomed to the cold quite like my shorts in the winter fashion statement prepared me for. Alright, time to get down to business and journal. Oh no, who has a pen? Typically our entire writing trio does not own one single pen so I must scavenge for one. Lucky for me Adam pulls through and chucks a pen at my head. Good thing I won most athletic; cat-like reflexes. Thank God all we only had to journal today, I can not afford to work my hand too much before our big lax game tonight, but then again, it has rained all day today. I should ask Claire to check her email and see if Coach White cancelled it. Ordinarily I would check my own phone, but this is not spanish class and I can only get away with having my phone out in that class. Hola. Finally, we get to the best part of AP English: blog shows. I love the stimulating conversation that comes from this time during our class...wait, what did Ms. Serensky just say? Oh, we are not actually about to talk about tampons and condoms are we? I can feel myself getting red in the face from my silent laugh attacks and from sheer embarrassment that Derek just claimed that his wife will never need tampons. Men, am I right? Oh no, Ms. Serensky keeps asking me when I will bring in The Spooky Times that Rachel and I wrote. I really do not know where it resides, possibly at the bottom of my purse with my soggy mutilated workbook. Who knows what lies down there. Maybe if I keep forgetting to bring it, she will forget about it. I can only hope because I really do not want the woman who decides my grade in this class to see that. Why does Ms. Serensky love to bully me? She probably sat me right next to her so that she could throw out personal shots at me without the rest of the class hearing (which happens). If only I could understand her reasoning, maybe I would not feel so nervous every time she glanced up at me while I do my work. At last, 1:55 approaches and I walk down the hall only to receive an invitation to prom via two guys, four middle fingers. Men, am I right?
As an accepted member of Elon University, I have noticed the feasible hunger that people have for acceptance from others. Not simply others for that matter, but strangers. Once accepted into the University, the student automatically becomes a part of the Elon 2017 Facebook group, a place for people to find roommates and post about themselves. Yet as more and more people choose to attend Elon, the group became stranger. People post bios about themselves that would make eHarmony proud in hopes of finding friends or maybe that one special person with whom they will share a room with for their freshman year. This page has shown me that college, a time for self discovery and exploration, has become rather predictable. No one dares to venture out in their once in a lifetime chance to make friends through Facebook. They stick to “chill” people who “like to go out but care about grades too” and “are down for whatever” and will always “need a gym buddy”. This cookie cutter template for posting about oneself just proves that no one wants to make a wrong impression (if you want to hear about bad impressions, talk to me about orientation week). People worry about the judgements of complete strangers in fear that their Facebook posts will not attract any potential friends. More than twenty of these word for word replicas cloud my Facebook, my peers practically begging people to like them. Our society has come to making virtual friends and hoping that they will like you in person (again, ask about orientation). However for as fascinated I am by my future classmates and my constant fear that I will not make any friends, I have not posted on this page. At first my judgement of the overeager, Elon-lovers kept me away from joining the post about favorite TV shows, and then I began to choose who I wanted to friend based on if they posted on the wall. A post automatically crossed them off of my list, harsh but necessary during my time of hatred for the group. Yet now, I realize that the main reason I have not posted yet, lies in the fact that I do not know who I am yet and I certainly do not know how to accurately portray myself over the internet. I do not find myself in the cookie cutter category but how can I show others how I want them to view me if I remain unsure of that myself? So I must refrain from telling everyone my major and how “I’m SO not a morning person” until I know for a fact who I want to be.
