Dear I Hate Cupid,
I do not find it
appropriate to blame a tiny cherub who has unfortunately stumbled across
dangerous artillery for your romantic shortcomings. Cupid has nothing to do
with your boyfriend’s lack of commitment or your clingy personality. That
aside, I feel curious as to the series of events that lead to your loved one’s
rapid departure from your relationship. Does he always act flaky or do you run
his sanity out the window? Concerning. Assuming that you do not resemble a
crazy cat lady in any way and try to stay away from obsessing over your
boyfriend’s facebook, I will advise you as best as I can. You claim that your
significant other desires to distance himself from you through a breakup,
meaning limited contact and an avoidance of awkward run-ins. I would recommend snooping
a little bit. You seem vague in your knowledge of his reasoning for breaking
your fragile little heart and I think that would serve as a beneficial first
step. Convince him to accompany you to Starbucks where you can talk out your
problems over a scalding Americano and a scone. If he refuses, suggest a simple
phone call where he needs to explain himself to you. You have the right to know
if the simple-minded man has another lady or if he has simply become bored with
your tea pot collection and ceramic cats. If he has a woman in the wings, I
would recommend revenge. A little Carrie Underwood style of a swift key to the
car or a slash to some tires always does the trick. However, if his motives
remain honorable and he just feels as if the love train has made its final
stop, accept it with dignity and exit the locomotive. It all depends on
perspective, dear cupid hater. So, analyze the situation, determine all
possible outcomes, weigh the positives and negatives of each, and act accordingly.
If all goes smoothly then maybe Cupid will redeem himself, and if not, I
suggest buying a puppy. They like to snuggle and will not judge you for
polishing off another carton of Ben & Jerry’s.
Yours in Romantic Council,Ms. Serensky
