Silent Victory

This past week, amidst everyone’s negativity, I achieved a personal goal. The boy I babysit, a twelve year old who prefers to play by himself rather than talk to me and his sister about her latest love note, actually conversed with me! To the average person, this might seem a small feat I have tackled as most twelve year old boys prefer video games to love stories. However, this twelve year old has autism and he rarely says more than “I don’t know” and giggles to me. After getting him to divulge into his Christmas list and how thrilled he feels, I saw his eyes light up. I could feel his pure bliss radiating all around him and felt the most excitement in watching his reservations and insecurities melt away.  In life, we tend to overlook the details, glance over the small moments that seem like a mere blip on our radar of the far more important and pressing activities in our lives. We sweep the everyday occurrences under the rug and wait for something great to happen. This occurs numerous times throughout The Great Gatsby as all of the characters become absorbed in themselves and their love of glamour and wealth. They become obsessed with other people and possessions that they overlook what lies right in front of them as the glance towards the horizon of their greedy desires. That aspect of the book made me seriously reconsider my life’s motives and goals and I decided to conduct a self evaluation of what I consider a priority. The results truly shocked me. Of course, as all humans try to appear, I know that perfection will always elude my grasp as it does to those in The Great Gatsby; however I used this knowledge to better myself rather than murder random strangers. After experiencing the boy’s openness towards me, I truly felt like I gained more than anything money could buy. He opened my eyes to how excitement should feel.

Angst

As the weeks have become five days long and now slowly drag from break to break, people have become quite hostile. Everyone feels ready for school to end yet it feels like it began yesterday. Seniors anxiously await the arrival of college letters and stress out about what we will do with the rest of our lives. All around the school one can feel the sluggishness of everyone as people drag their feet and keep their heads down going from class to class as to avoid all unnecessary human interaction. This tension has grown into an full on battle as students have turned on one another over something as petty as limited fans at a sporting event, something that would have seemed so trivial in simpler times. This inner school angst reminds me of Tom’s lashing out at Gatsby. Although under very different circumstances, both feel an uneasiness and exhaustion that eventually needs to escape one way or another. I sometimes find myself feeling like Nick; caught in the middle, wanting to lash out about finals or how ready I feel for break, yet also wanting to keep calm and push through until break. An anonymous tweeter put it best by stating that “collectively as a school, we are all slowly losing it right now”. I think that everyone needs to take a step back and breathe. If we all continue to go through the motions with the weight of the world on our shoulders then we will always feel bitter towards one another when we should enjoy our time in high school. If we do not loosen up and realize our good fortune of having the ability to go to school, then we all might actually lose it. If we do not reevaluate our hatred of the world and all things that have to do with school, we may all turn into “mad men” and shoot people we hardly know.

Love Lessons Even Gatsby Can Understand

Throughout chapters four and five of The Great Gatsby, we learn of Gatsby’s infinite and almost obsessive love for Daisy. It appears so strongly that it cripples him, making him literally weak at the knees as nearly fell "down a flight of stairs” (91). This behavior strongly mimics how kids act when bombarded by love. Nick notices this childlike behavior when he reprimands Gatsby saying that he acts “like a little boy” in front of Daisy (88). His firm tone implies that he should feel embarrassed by acting that way; however I do not see any problem with treating love like a new, childish discovery. In fact, most “love” between young kids proves the most honest and true love: no secrets or lying. I have experienced this through a little girl I babysit. Every day after school she runs in the door and proudly tells me that she has received yet another note. This note, far from ordinary, contains the confession of feelings that a certain boy has for her. This boy writes her a note every day proclaiming his powerful love for her and how he cannot stop thinking about her. Sound familiar? This boy, although a mere ten years old, could teach The Great Gatsby a thing or two about the expression of love. This fourth grader has learned the art of winning a girl at a very young age through the power of persuasive words. His bluntness about his feelings would catch even the most well versed lover off guard. Here are just a few examples of his incredible writing:

-          When I am with you the  only place I want to be is closer

-          Today I caught myself smiling then I realized that I was thinking of you

And my personal favorite:

-          If I had a star for every time I thought of you, the moon would finally know what loneliness feels like

Sounds very Gatsby esque, right? This boy, in the prime of his awkward stage, shows less of an awkward demeanor than Gatsby does. Now if only he could learn from his ten year old counterpart.  

What's After High School?

            Upon entering Ms. Seresnky’s room one morning, I habitually looked at her white board to see whose words she had chosen to inspire us with that day. I always thoroughly enjoy the quotes that she chooses however I could not contain my excitement when I saw that she had written my favorite quote by J.R.R. Tolkien. An obsessive fan of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, one can imagine my thrill when the books’ author’s words stared at me from across the room. However, my passion for his work does not solely account for my love for the quote. J.R.R. Tolkien famously states that “Not all those who wander are lost”; a set of seven words that I have always believed in, however in the midst of my senior year, feel that they describe me, as well as my classmates, now more than ever. As the class of 2013 entered junior year, we experienced the bombardment of questions regarding our college choice and what we wish to study. As mere sixteen and seventeen year olds we wondered how anyone could expect us to know the answers. Now as we enter senior year, we begin to gain a sense of ourselves and what we want to pursue, yet we still face indecision. We still wander, wondering how we will decide between the infinite opportunities that college and life will present us with, feeling stuck in an “undecided” rut. Tolkien believes that the ability to search without knowledge of a definite end does not mean that we do not have a sense of direction. To me, his quote means that my classmates and I might not have any idea of what to do with our upcoming new lives, but that does not mean that it will end in a frantic search for a way out of a journey gone astray. However, the future that seemed light-years away now pounces on us with the ferocity of an orc in battle as we all search for our place in the scary world outside of high school. Similarly to Frodo leaving the Shire, we must all leave Chagrin and go on our own journey. Wandering often leads us down the right path if we allow the fear of becoming lost inspire us to push us into the unknown.

Popping the Bubble

            Not many things change in Chagrin. Yes, the store on the corner has gone from Ben & Jerry’s to Lemon Falls, and Town Hall becomes Holly Hall once a year, but when it comes to drastic change, our town loves its consistency. Our school has not drifted for from the Chagrin of the 60s, evident from last year’s then and now comparison in the yearbook. Even classes remain pretty steady throughout the years as few new kids trickle in the system, daring to try and infiltrate the Chagrin lifestyle. As a lifer (someone who has attended Chagrin for 13 years) I have noticed all of these changes, or lack thereof. I have lived in the same town, gone to the same school with the same kids, and lived relatively the same way my whole life. Sounds exhilarating right? Some look in at Chagrin with criticism, “fondly” referring to it as The Bubble, noting Chagrin’s lack of change and diversity as detrimental and restricting. I never have seen a problem with it and have in fact loved my time in Chagrin, yet after reading Donald Barthelme’s short story, The Balloon, I began to rethink. In addition to the similarity of the balloon to the bubble, I also found many more similarities between the story and my own life. Barthelme discusses a balloon’s presence in Manhattan, New York and how it covers the whole city leaving people to accept it or wonder its existence there. He juxtaposes the different thought process of the people in Manhattan as some felt “sheltered, warmed, as never before” while others reported feeling “constrained, a “heavy” feeling” (3). I believe that the balloon symbolizes conformity and an unchanging life in a city, or in my case, a small town with citizens ready to enjoy or resent these qualities. Indirectly characterizing two very different groups of people as secure and stifled, Barthelme asserts that change can leave people feeling different ways. This made me think about how I truly feel about my stable, safe years in Chagrin. While I appreciate and enjoy living in the bubble as some people do under the balloon, this story made me think what else waits for me outside of my comfort zone. It makes me wonder if my bubble “sullied the…clear and radiant…sky” or if it would turn out bleak and without promise (2). After reading this short story and discussing with my group, I have come to the conclusion that although I love my town and feel grateful to live here, the only way I will truly know the answers to my questions lies in my ability to step away from what I know and become familiar with the unknown. I must pop the bubble, as some wished to deflate the balloon, and see what lies outside of my protected world.

Just Ten More Minutes: What AP English Has Taught Me About Hitting Snooze

Going to any class first period proves a struggle for high schoolers as our beds become increasingly more comfortable the older we get. Waking up has always challenged me as my mom used to physically drag me out of bed. I have progressively gotten better with only a few yanks from mom, yet I still struggle to process that people mandate me to go to school so early. As I wake up every morning, my only motivation to get out of bed flashes on the screen of my phone; an alarm that reads that I cannot arrive late to AP English. Hearing the annoying ringtone reminds me that I should not press the snooze button ten more times because I have something to get up for. While the internal conflict between the semicircle of desks and my bed that occurs every morning continues to prove a daily struggle, I never fail to get up and take my place in the seventh seat on the left. This quarter, Ms. Seresnky’s English class has encouraged me to set priorities for myself and has taught me to find something in life to motivate me to get up rather than hit the snooze just one more time. In the world today, people tend to do what they want to do rather than what they need to, resulting in an unproductive and generally lazy society. If our world had to go to first period AP English then I think everyone would function a little differently. The world would finally understand the heart-pounding fear of desks in straight rows and pens unexpectedly running out of ink and the question of the contents of a soapstone would never arise again. In addition to new fears and facts learned, I believe that people would also learn the importance of self motivation and the ability to honor a commitment by not sleeping through the class. This skill will undoubtedly help me as I continue my struggle to wake up in college. Without my mom pulling the covers back or the looming threat of having truancy filed on me, finding the motivation to attend an eight AM class would have the old Blythe pressing snooze and going back to bed. Yet with the skills that Ms. Serensky has taught me this quarter and from experiencing first period English, new Blythe will use this newfound self motivation to get out of bed and pursue more important things than just ten more minutes.

Happy Birthday Ann

After finishing Olive Kitteridge, I have gained knowledge on multiple different characters throughout the book and how they live their lives to a point where I now feel like I know them. In fact, as the time of year rolls around, I believe that I could accurately purchase a birthday gift or two for Ann Kitteridge, Chris's new wife. As Ann and Olive discuss Ann's anniversary day  with Chris, she describes it as "a little moment to reflect" while Olive states that she just liked the presents (224). This juxtaposition of the two women alone gives me enough insight to know that Ann would most likely not want to make a big deal out of her birthday. So, in a very discreet and simple manner, I would give her two presents that she desperately needs as to not overwhelm her. First, I would give her every yoga enthusiasts dream package complete with a yoga mat, a how to book, and some relaxing music. This gift would greatly improve Ann's "meditation time" with a clean and pure activity such as yoga that would minimize her smoking and drinking, improving the health of her baby (209). By stating that she needs meditation time, Ann indirectly characterizes herself as stressed and overwhelmed with her life and multitude of children.By doing yoga, her harmful substance use will decrease and her spirits will lift. However, no one can do yoga in a dirty, stressful environment. So as my second gift to Ann, I would get her a cleaning service. The maid would take care of all of the "pots…open boxes…grimy sock[s]" and other imperfections in her home to make it livable for her ask well as keeping her stress level down (205). Ann's filthy home again indirectly characterizes her as stressed as well as inexperienced. The pressure of marriage and raising a family has proven a bit too much for her, therefore, an experienced main to come and help Ann clean would lift that pressure right off of her downward dog shoulders. These gifts would improve the quality of Ann's life as well as her new family's as s clean, stress-free environment would make anyone happier and more easy going. Happy birthday Ann, an Ohm a day and the maid will stay. 

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover

When I first picked up Olive Kitteridge I questioned whether or not I would enjoy it. The cover did not appeal immediately to me, therefore I assumed that I would have to suffer through reading and painfully annotating a book that I disliked. However, as I finish the second third of Olive Kitteridge I can say that I truly enjoy this book. The same applies to my feelings towards the main character, Olive's, actions. At the beginning of the book I could not stand Olive and found her a pretentious and overbearing woman. Now, after further reading and understanding more about her, I find that I judged Olive too strongly and now judge her actions as defensive and hurt rather than outright mean. Pulitzer Prize winning author Elizabeth Strout sets her book in a modern era with events such as 9/11 occurring. During this time, racial stereotyping and judgement of all kinds became prominent in our society. Olive Kitteridge faces this judgement from me while reading about her odd parenting style as she often yelled at her son, Chris. In the midst of my judgement she cries out inside as she recognizes that "she had loved him" (145). The somber almost defeated tone indirectly characterizes Olive as exhausted from trying to love her son the best she could. I realize that Olive had grown up without very much love and support from her own parents and therefore had no model to base her parenting off of. Strout implies that Parents love their children as best as they can in the way that their parents loved them. While not always right and kind towards Chris, I now understand that her constant pressure and over bearing attitude only means that she loves him. For instance, her want for Chris's full attention and presence at home. Initially, I took this as selfish and over protective however when she states that Chris's fiancé acts "as mean as a bat" I understood the deeper meaning (113). This simile shows Olive's true emotions through an almost child-like tone. This indirectly characterizes her as sensitive under her hard exterior as she feels victimized by the woman Chris will marry. This hidden softness comes up once again when Julie Harwood explains to her little sister, Winnie, that Mrs. Kitteridge, her future math teacher, says "weird things…very powerfully" (195). Through Julie's reassuring tone she calms Winnie by indirectly characterizing Mrs. Kitteridge as wise and knowing. Julie Harwood broke the judgement in my mind about Olive's sternness in the classroom from mean math teacher to insightful woman trying to improve children's lives. Olive's actions, while undoubtedly questionable at times, always have a deeper rooted motive or past experience that gives her her personality. I judge Olive's actions as commendable as she tries to deal with the pressures of modern life as best as she can. 

Soul Food

Typically, when you hear the words hungry or starving, you think of food: a granola bar in your backpack or the lunch you forgot to eat. That persistent nagging in your stomach that won't go away until you devour your PB&J and satisfy your hunger. However, as Elizabeth Strout writes Olive Kitteridge set in her native home, Maine, she looks deeper into different meanings of the word hunger. Though only directly addressed in the chapter rightfully titled "Starving", Strout shows a kind of hunger in almost every one of her complex characters. This hunger, however, does not make Olive Kitteridge reaching for a doughnut. The aching feeling of starvation that these characters face lies in their heart and soul. Strout uses the longing that these characters face in order to address the timeless and universal truth that people crave what they cannot have. For instance, when Henry Kitteridge first encounters Denise, he also meets her "strong, young husband" (11). The glorifying diction of "strong" and "young" creates an envious tone from Henry as he longs for his youth and young love. His envy asserts that people do not appreciate their youth and let it fly by. In his heart he craves the time when he and Olive had a passionate love, a hunger that Denise and her husband filled for him, however not completely. He shares this hunger with a man named Harmon who finds satisfaction in having an affair with his close friend Daisy. Exclaiming "such abundance…next to him", Strout indirectly characterizes Harmon as depressed as he looks on to what he most wants (77). This connection of Henry and Harmon in their similar desires further supports Straut's universal truth. The fact that both Henry and Harmon feed they hunger by either imagining or engaging in an affair indirectly characterizes both of them as desperate. However, Strout does not dismiss the idea of fueling their hunger. She almost makes it seem acceptable when Olive suggests "sure I am [hungry]. We all are" (96). Here Olive suggests that everyone feels hunger, yet Strout implies that the hunger does not always lie in a mid morning snack. She indirectly characterizes Olive as insightful as she seems the only one who has figured this out. Using a young, anorexic girl, Nina, Strout shows that not indulging in hunger can lead to demise and one's ultimate end in order to urge people to feed themselves. She notices as the modern world continues to grow, more people fall into the daily hum-drum of life, finding themselves not pursuing their passions and trying to please those they really do not care about, metaphorically starving themselves. Strout includes the universal truth of people wanting what they can not have to urge people to go after what they want and not settle for less. Through the first third of Olive Kitteridge, Strout encourages people to eat. Not only literally eating a bowl of cereal before school, but finding what truly makes one happy and indulging in it ravenously. 

Illusions, hopeless humans, and cocky America

As I came to the end of Cat's Cradle, author Kurt Vonnegut left me with several new concepts to think about. Throughout the book, Vonnegut has used his characters and storyline to comment on mankind and their plights in order to strive towards a more modern and perfect world. However, the perfection does not always prove more than a nice illusion. For example. when Jonah checks in to the Casa Mono, his room had air-conditioning and "there were fresh flowers" at his bedside table, yet his bed went unmade and the room had no other amenities in it (156). The "flowers" serve as a symbol for the nice, perfect exterior while beneath the false reality, something goes missing and it seems empty once the illusion melts away. Vonnegut displays this false reality yet again after the storm hit San Lorenzo and the survivors sit in the remains of Frank Hoenikker's house. They all act pleasant and carry on every day activities, yet Jonah notes that underneath the "cozy conversation" the "nagging SOS transmitter" reminded him of the reality of their situation (277). Through these examples, Vonnegut indirectly characterizes humans as weak creatures who always need to feel good about their situation, even if the end of the world goes on around them. This challenges humans, especially me, to look beyond the surface to see the deeper and more realistic world. This more realistic world, Vonnegut also suggests, only exists under a certain condition. Ambassador Minton realizes this as well as he gives his wreath dedication speech to a crowds of many different people. He recognizes that for a more realistic and prosperous world to exist, humans must make a concentrated and ceaseless effort to "reduce the stupidity and viciousness" of mankind (255). through his urgent tone, he indirectly characterizes mankind as ignorant and prone to repeating history. Yet although Ambassador Minton sees hope for humans, Bokonon foils him as "'nothing'" can a man hope for after taking past history into account (245). I tend to agree more with Minton as I see our past history as a learning and growing opportunity rather than a foreshadowing of our planets ultimate future. If humans can learn from the past and apply the knowledge gained from the experience to the future, then this world will prosper. However, if humans remain ignorant to the past and refuse to learn, the Bokonon will have made an accurate prediction of the fate of the human race. A final insight I gained from reading Cat's Cradle came from Claire Minton. Claire suggests that "'People are hated" and that "Americans…were foolish" in thinking that no one hated them, yet she received punishment for her brutally honest opinion (98). During this summer, the olympics often bring that feeling to every American home. American pride soars and with every gold medal, our country believes ten more that we stand as the greatest. If Claire Minton sat and watched the Olympics, she would cheer evenly for every victory and mourn every loss. Claire's words have shown me the ridiculousness in some Americans that they believe themselves better than the rest. Through Vonnegut's masterful novel, I have gained insights about not only myself but about human nature as well.

Warning: Not for the opinionated or outwardly optimistic

Optimist: a word defined by dictionary.com as a person disposed to take a favorable view of events or conditions. Optimist: a word defined by me as a person who should not read Cat's Cradle. Author and essayist, Kurt Vonnegut writes his dark humored satire, Cat's Cradle in order to entertain, question, and criticize. However, although entertaining, Vonnegut heavily criticizes and reveals the bleak nature of mankind. For example, when arriving at San Lorenzo, Jonah discovers that "everybody was bound to fail" (133). No one likes to hear that inevitably, their endeavors will fail, however there exist some people who have accepted that fact. This could prove too cynical for the optimistic mind who believe themselves able to do anything. Optimists also find themselves bothered by little Newt's impending question "'See the cat? See the cradle?'" (179) Newt daily takes the sacredness of life and marriage and compares it to a child's game, indirectly characterizing both of those things as meaningless and futile. The fact that the cat and the cradle never exist implies that marriage and even life prove man-made entities with no real purpose but to entertain and trick. The cynic as well as the thoughtful, open mind will enjoy this thoroughly, however it may disturb those who think happy thoughts or can not see past Little Newt playing with a piece of sting. Which leads to another group of people who should not read this book: the close-minded. At the beginning of the book, Jonah warns that people who can not understand his point of view will not understand the book, which proves very true throughout the second third. Jonah serves as the main example of an ope-minded person as he asks if the Hoenikker's have a "copy of The Books of Bokonon" (190). His eager tone and readiness to learn more about Bokonism despite his Christianity indirectly characterizes him as open-minded to things outside of his comfort zone. I know I had to take a step back in order to see the deeper meaning of the book as I tended to only see the literal meaning. Vonnegut writes in such a way that one must take on the attitude of Jonah himself, a pessimist and willing to learn, in order to truly understand and enjoy this book.

Just My Style

Author and essayist, Kurt Vonnegut writes his dark humored satire, Cat's Cradle in order to entertain, question, and criticize. However, I find his style of writing very helpful to all of the meaning of this book. Written shortly after American released the atomic bomb on Japan, Vonnegut sets his novel  through writer,  Jonah and his mission to write a book about Dr. Felix Hoenikker, one of the minds behind the atomic bomb. He proves able to keep the reader involved in the book through his use of short chapter that very often pose a statement about humanity. The short chapters allow the reader to stop and think of the implications and digest Vonnegut's various claims and assertions. Though the chapters divide, they also run together and read as one long chapter, making it easy to follow the story and understand it. Along with an interesting plot, Vonnegut discusses real world issues at the time having to do with the bomb. For instance when Jonah travels to a headstone shop, the owner discusses his nephew and how he worked as a scientist, yet when the bomb dropped, "'kid quit, and he got drunk'" (71). I found the frequent discussion of people's drastic reactions to the bomb intriguing as it kept me reading. Vonnegut's choice of narration, although not my favorite, proved interesting as well. At the beginning of the book when Jonah puts a disclaimer that no one "will…understand this book" if they can not grasp a beginning concept, excites in the reader a desire to continue and understand the concepts as it poses a challenge (6). in addition, Vonnegut included stereotypes in his work while evoking a sense of dark humor  to appeal to different kinds of readers. Throughout the first third, Jonah only addresses Newt Hoenikker as "Little Newt" (51). This directly characterizes Newt as "Little", shedding light on his midget status. While somewhat offensive, it also seems almost endearing that he refers to him as that. A sort of funny nickname that makes it seem as though he has known him for years. All of these characteristics combined makes the style of Vonnegut's book very easy and enjoyable to read. 

The Gold Standard

After reading The Privileges and gaining a sense of the book’s main purposes, the difficulty increases in choosing only one color. Although many colors accurately represent the Morey family, I believe, in the least cliché way possible, that the color gold best represents them as well as the book overall. People claim that the color gold represents three things: increased personal power/ success, relaxation and enjoyment of life, and good health while also obviously alluding to wealth, all themes through the book. The audience sees an obvious display of increased personal power/ success in most characters however especially with father Adam Morey. Throughout the novel Adam experiences increasing success and therefore power in himself and feels that he “can’t let up…for a moment” for fear of losing his success (243). The steadfast diction of “can’t” indirectly characterizes Adam as determined and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve success. His attitude rubs off on his coworkers as they become a part of his underground business deals. His determined attitude also alludes to another main trait of gold; good health. Adam, as well as his wife and friends overly concern themselves with staying young and in good health. Adam becomes so obsessive that when he misses even one workout during a business trip he promises himself to “double his workouts” once he gets home (243). The exaggerated tone implies Adam’s dedication to his self image and health; a reoccurring theme throughout the novel as people strive to look young. The Morey’s daughter April, however, wants quite the opposite as she has always acted and looked older. She and her generation of young adults puts the gold color to use by encompassing relaxation and enjoyment of life. However, their generation takes it to the extreme by excessively partying and spending money and claiming that their parents let them “do whatever they wanted” (131). Here Dee claims that parents of today’s generation act too leniently with their children by allowing them to get away with anything. With all of these characteristics of the book, gold as a symbol of wealth ties the whole book together under the blanket of impending wealth and the risks it takes to achieve it.

YOLO

            As I rounded the corner into the second third of The Privileges, I noticed a reoccurring theme within the character Adam Morey. Author Jonathan Dee portrays Adam as a progressive man with a goal and no desire to look into the past. While I disagree with his concept on forgetting the past completely, I do find myself encouraging his attitude of moving forward. One passage that describes how I would want to live my life comes from Adam Morey himself as he believes that “The only thing that exists, the only risk to be analyzed, is what’s in front of us today” (143). I admire Adam’s sense of purpose in life and his driven attitude to achieve it. To me, this passage means that even if one makes a mistake or does some sort of wrong, once a lesson comes from it, there proves no reason to further analyze the mistake. As a human, I tend to make the occasional mistake and usually find myself dwelling on it as a vast majority of people do. Even once the mistake becomes corrected, I cannot help return to that moment and analyze it, no matter the kind of embarrassment or shame or other feelings that came from it. While people may take this passage the wrong way and read it as forget the past without learning, I believe Adam simply suggests that dwelling and analyzing the past can stifle present and future progress. I would like to live my life in this way that I learn from the past however move on because, as Dee implies through Adam, the present only occurs once, while the past has already happened. Or as our good friend Drake says, YOLO.

Can you fire a mom?

Throughout the first third of The Privileges, I found aspects of each character that I disapproved of however; the character Cynthia Morey proved the least likable in my opinion. Set mostly in the bustling city of New York, author Jonathon Dee, a native to his books principle setting, writes of the trials brought unto the young Adam and Cynthia Morey and their family. While focusing on Cynthia, Dee introduces her in the beginning of the book by saying that she would not be bothered "if things don't go perfectly" in reference to her wedding that day (6). This easy going statement indirectly characterizes her as relaxed foiling her against her mother Ruth who seems ready to crack like an egg. Dee continues to show Cynthia's evolving personality as she enters the foreign world of married life and eventually motherhood. His further description of Cynthia totally contradicts her former self as raising children also raises her nerves and a lacking sense of purpose. The once carefree and relaxed Cynthia has all but disappeared as the second chapter begins with her rowdy five and six year old children fighting. Cynthia’s inability to control her children shows as she “was crying” when they continued to fight (37). Although this action creates pathos for mothers who cannot control their children, I found it extremely aggravating as her weakness continued to evolve into a question of her purpose in the world. This lack of confidence in herself continues when the children get older in that she could not “say no to very much” (82). I believe this indirectly characterizes Cynthia as a weak, bad mother as she wants to have her daughter see her as a friend rather than a parent. The fact that Cynthia allows her children to walk all over her bothers me to a great extent. Her lack of restrictions, I believe, falls on the blame-like tone she takes when she feels that a privilege “had been stolen from her” (53). Proving herself selfish, she further grew irritating in my eyes. That, coupled with her weak sense of self, leads to me dislike Cynthia very much as I believe a mother should not only have the ability and desire to raise her children selflessly but remain a strong and firm role model for her children. Her drastic change from a carfree spirit to shadow barely able to control her kids proves that she does not have what it takes for the cut-throat world of moms. Next applicant, please.