Silent Victory

This past week, amidst everyone’s negativity, I achieved a personal goal. The boy I babysit, a twelve year old who prefers to play by himself rather than talk to me and his sister about her latest love note, actually conversed with me! To the average person, this might seem a small feat I have tackled as most twelve year old boys prefer video games to love stories. However, this twelve year old has autism and he rarely says more than “I don’t know” and giggles to me. After getting him to divulge into his Christmas list and how thrilled he feels, I saw his eyes light up. I could feel his pure bliss radiating all around him and felt the most excitement in watching his reservations and insecurities melt away.  In life, we tend to overlook the details, glance over the small moments that seem like a mere blip on our radar of the far more important and pressing activities in our lives. We sweep the everyday occurrences under the rug and wait for something great to happen. This occurs numerous times throughout The Great Gatsby as all of the characters become absorbed in themselves and their love of glamour and wealth. They become obsessed with other people and possessions that they overlook what lies right in front of them as the glance towards the horizon of their greedy desires. That aspect of the book made me seriously reconsider my life’s motives and goals and I decided to conduct a self evaluation of what I consider a priority. The results truly shocked me. Of course, as all humans try to appear, I know that perfection will always elude my grasp as it does to those in The Great Gatsby; however I used this knowledge to better myself rather than murder random strangers. After experiencing the boy’s openness towards me, I truly felt like I gained more than anything money could buy. He opened my eyes to how excitement should feel.

Angst

As the weeks have become five days long and now slowly drag from break to break, people have become quite hostile. Everyone feels ready for school to end yet it feels like it began yesterday. Seniors anxiously await the arrival of college letters and stress out about what we will do with the rest of our lives. All around the school one can feel the sluggishness of everyone as people drag their feet and keep their heads down going from class to class as to avoid all unnecessary human interaction. This tension has grown into an full on battle as students have turned on one another over something as petty as limited fans at a sporting event, something that would have seemed so trivial in simpler times. This inner school angst reminds me of Tom’s lashing out at Gatsby. Although under very different circumstances, both feel an uneasiness and exhaustion that eventually needs to escape one way or another. I sometimes find myself feeling like Nick; caught in the middle, wanting to lash out about finals or how ready I feel for break, yet also wanting to keep calm and push through until break. An anonymous tweeter put it best by stating that “collectively as a school, we are all slowly losing it right now”. I think that everyone needs to take a step back and breathe. If we all continue to go through the motions with the weight of the world on our shoulders then we will always feel bitter towards one another when we should enjoy our time in high school. If we do not loosen up and realize our good fortune of having the ability to go to school, then we all might actually lose it. If we do not reevaluate our hatred of the world and all things that have to do with school, we may all turn into “mad men” and shoot people we hardly know.

Love Lessons Even Gatsby Can Understand

Throughout chapters four and five of The Great Gatsby, we learn of Gatsby’s infinite and almost obsessive love for Daisy. It appears so strongly that it cripples him, making him literally weak at the knees as nearly fell "down a flight of stairs” (91). This behavior strongly mimics how kids act when bombarded by love. Nick notices this childlike behavior when he reprimands Gatsby saying that he acts “like a little boy” in front of Daisy (88). His firm tone implies that he should feel embarrassed by acting that way; however I do not see any problem with treating love like a new, childish discovery. In fact, most “love” between young kids proves the most honest and true love: no secrets or lying. I have experienced this through a little girl I babysit. Every day after school she runs in the door and proudly tells me that she has received yet another note. This note, far from ordinary, contains the confession of feelings that a certain boy has for her. This boy writes her a note every day proclaiming his powerful love for her and how he cannot stop thinking about her. Sound familiar? This boy, although a mere ten years old, could teach The Great Gatsby a thing or two about the expression of love. This fourth grader has learned the art of winning a girl at a very young age through the power of persuasive words. His bluntness about his feelings would catch even the most well versed lover off guard. Here are just a few examples of his incredible writing:

-          When I am with you the  only place I want to be is closer

-          Today I caught myself smiling then I realized that I was thinking of you

And my personal favorite:

-          If I had a star for every time I thought of you, the moon would finally know what loneliness feels like

Sounds very Gatsby esque, right? This boy, in the prime of his awkward stage, shows less of an awkward demeanor than Gatsby does. Now if only he could learn from his ten year old counterpart.  

What's After High School?

            Upon entering Ms. Seresnky’s room one morning, I habitually looked at her white board to see whose words she had chosen to inspire us with that day. I always thoroughly enjoy the quotes that she chooses however I could not contain my excitement when I saw that she had written my favorite quote by J.R.R. Tolkien. An obsessive fan of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, one can imagine my thrill when the books’ author’s words stared at me from across the room. However, my passion for his work does not solely account for my love for the quote. J.R.R. Tolkien famously states that “Not all those who wander are lost”; a set of seven words that I have always believed in, however in the midst of my senior year, feel that they describe me, as well as my classmates, now more than ever. As the class of 2013 entered junior year, we experienced the bombardment of questions regarding our college choice and what we wish to study. As mere sixteen and seventeen year olds we wondered how anyone could expect us to know the answers. Now as we enter senior year, we begin to gain a sense of ourselves and what we want to pursue, yet we still face indecision. We still wander, wondering how we will decide between the infinite opportunities that college and life will present us with, feeling stuck in an “undecided” rut. Tolkien believes that the ability to search without knowledge of a definite end does not mean that we do not have a sense of direction. To me, his quote means that my classmates and I might not have any idea of what to do with our upcoming new lives, but that does not mean that it will end in a frantic search for a way out of a journey gone astray. However, the future that seemed light-years away now pounces on us with the ferocity of an orc in battle as we all search for our place in the scary world outside of high school. Similarly to Frodo leaving the Shire, we must all leave Chagrin and go on our own journey. Wandering often leads us down the right path if we allow the fear of becoming lost inspire us to push us into the unknown.

Popping the Bubble

            Not many things change in Chagrin. Yes, the store on the corner has gone from Ben & Jerry’s to Lemon Falls, and Town Hall becomes Holly Hall once a year, but when it comes to drastic change, our town loves its consistency. Our school has not drifted for from the Chagrin of the 60s, evident from last year’s then and now comparison in the yearbook. Even classes remain pretty steady throughout the years as few new kids trickle in the system, daring to try and infiltrate the Chagrin lifestyle. As a lifer (someone who has attended Chagrin for 13 years) I have noticed all of these changes, or lack thereof. I have lived in the same town, gone to the same school with the same kids, and lived relatively the same way my whole life. Sounds exhilarating right? Some look in at Chagrin with criticism, “fondly” referring to it as The Bubble, noting Chagrin’s lack of change and diversity as detrimental and restricting. I never have seen a problem with it and have in fact loved my time in Chagrin, yet after reading Donald Barthelme’s short story, The Balloon, I began to rethink. In addition to the similarity of the balloon to the bubble, I also found many more similarities between the story and my own life. Barthelme discusses a balloon’s presence in Manhattan, New York and how it covers the whole city leaving people to accept it or wonder its existence there. He juxtaposes the different thought process of the people in Manhattan as some felt “sheltered, warmed, as never before” while others reported feeling “constrained, a “heavy” feeling” (3). I believe that the balloon symbolizes conformity and an unchanging life in a city, or in my case, a small town with citizens ready to enjoy or resent these qualities. Indirectly characterizing two very different groups of people as secure and stifled, Barthelme asserts that change can leave people feeling different ways. This made me think about how I truly feel about my stable, safe years in Chagrin. While I appreciate and enjoy living in the bubble as some people do under the balloon, this story made me think what else waits for me outside of my comfort zone. It makes me wonder if my bubble “sullied the…clear and radiant…sky” or if it would turn out bleak and without promise (2). After reading this short story and discussing with my group, I have come to the conclusion that although I love my town and feel grateful to live here, the only way I will truly know the answers to my questions lies in my ability to step away from what I know and become familiar with the unknown. I must pop the bubble, as some wished to deflate the balloon, and see what lies outside of my protected world.

Just Ten More Minutes: What AP English Has Taught Me About Hitting Snooze

Going to any class first period proves a struggle for high schoolers as our beds become increasingly more comfortable the older we get. Waking up has always challenged me as my mom used to physically drag me out of bed. I have progressively gotten better with only a few yanks from mom, yet I still struggle to process that people mandate me to go to school so early. As I wake up every morning, my only motivation to get out of bed flashes on the screen of my phone; an alarm that reads that I cannot arrive late to AP English. Hearing the annoying ringtone reminds me that I should not press the snooze button ten more times because I have something to get up for. While the internal conflict between the semicircle of desks and my bed that occurs every morning continues to prove a daily struggle, I never fail to get up and take my place in the seventh seat on the left. This quarter, Ms. Seresnky’s English class has encouraged me to set priorities for myself and has taught me to find something in life to motivate me to get up rather than hit the snooze just one more time. In the world today, people tend to do what they want to do rather than what they need to, resulting in an unproductive and generally lazy society. If our world had to go to first period AP English then I think everyone would function a little differently. The world would finally understand the heart-pounding fear of desks in straight rows and pens unexpectedly running out of ink and the question of the contents of a soapstone would never arise again. In addition to new fears and facts learned, I believe that people would also learn the importance of self motivation and the ability to honor a commitment by not sleeping through the class. This skill will undoubtedly help me as I continue my struggle to wake up in college. Without my mom pulling the covers back or the looming threat of having truancy filed on me, finding the motivation to attend an eight AM class would have the old Blythe pressing snooze and going back to bed. Yet with the skills that Ms. Serensky has taught me this quarter and from experiencing first period English, new Blythe will use this newfound self motivation to get out of bed and pursue more important things than just ten more minutes.

Happy Birthday Ann

After finishing Olive Kitteridge, I have gained knowledge on multiple different characters throughout the book and how they live their lives to a point where I now feel like I know them. In fact, as the time of year rolls around, I believe that I could accurately purchase a birthday gift or two for Ann Kitteridge, Chris's new wife. As Ann and Olive discuss Ann's anniversary day  with Chris, she describes it as "a little moment to reflect" while Olive states that she just liked the presents (224). This juxtaposition of the two women alone gives me enough insight to know that Ann would most likely not want to make a big deal out of her birthday. So, in a very discreet and simple manner, I would give her two presents that she desperately needs as to not overwhelm her. First, I would give her every yoga enthusiasts dream package complete with a yoga mat, a how to book, and some relaxing music. This gift would greatly improve Ann's "meditation time" with a clean and pure activity such as yoga that would minimize her smoking and drinking, improving the health of her baby (209). By stating that she needs meditation time, Ann indirectly characterizes herself as stressed and overwhelmed with her life and multitude of children.By doing yoga, her harmful substance use will decrease and her spirits will lift. However, no one can do yoga in a dirty, stressful environment. So as my second gift to Ann, I would get her a cleaning service. The maid would take care of all of the "pots…open boxes…grimy sock[s]" and other imperfections in her home to make it livable for her ask well as keeping her stress level down (205). Ann's filthy home again indirectly characterizes her as stressed as well as inexperienced. The pressure of marriage and raising a family has proven a bit too much for her, therefore, an experienced main to come and help Ann clean would lift that pressure right off of her downward dog shoulders. These gifts would improve the quality of Ann's life as well as her new family's as s clean, stress-free environment would make anyone happier and more easy going. Happy birthday Ann, an Ohm a day and the maid will stay.